Mr Cool – The Guy That Melted Tolu Adesina’s Heart

Thank You Tolu Adesina!

So I read Tolu Adesina’s 1st of many books to come, ‘In the vault’,  and it had me reflecting on some of my actions and behaviours with some people that were potential future partners.

In the book Tolu wrote about a certain ‘Mr Cool’ – Mr Cool was the ideal guy, the Tobi IMJ type of guy Haha (you disagree that is your business) according to Tolu – Mr Cool, was … Read her book.

So I have decided to reflect on situations I have had in the past that I was definitely ‘Mr Cool’ and not a ‘Yoruba Demon’  as I was to some people (forgive me). – If you don’t know what a Yoruba demon is according to the Urban dictionary a Yoruba demon is a Nigerian guy (Yoruba) who goes after a young lady’s heart with no intention of loving her.

Situation 1

Good girl, good job, spiritually sound, VIRGIN (For some people this is a winner for them and for the individual, this could be their USP) amongst other good things. A lot of people see her as quiet, peaceful but this is almost like a screen guard. When I got closer I realised she didn’t have a good attitude and was very feisty.

Situation 2

Good girl, career driven, family oriented, strong religious family background and absolutely stunning. She is a feminist in denial,  ‘Miss independent’ but wants a man! She tells her friends that you don’t need a man anyway and she doesn’t see men past “Instruments for pregnancy”. These days you don’t even need a man for that tbh.

Situation 3

Amazing girl, pretty, body is insane. She had all these plans that wowed me and our visions are aligned but she was 10 steps ahead, she saw herself as my wife already.

I’m not saying Tolu is like any of these ‘experiences’, Tolu is amazing! She’s an amazing individual and I am here thinking what could have ticked off in Mr Cool’s mind and I’m struggling to find flaws asides her loudness (lol), I guess only Mr Cool knows, and I’m not here to justify Mr Cool’s action – ain’t no lawyer.

Anyway back to me.

Looking back now, maybe I could have been a lot more flexible in these situations and reading things form Tolu’s perspective made me realise it’s not always about me – there is someone else in the equation. They might not know that these issues are red flags for me, they might even be unaware they are like that and all they needed was someone to tell them or maybe they know but they didn’t see it as anything. However, for me, they were major issues.

Each of these situations could have been worked on now thinking about it as long as both parties are ready to put the effort in and work on these issues. It would have been fair if I walked away after I had raised these issues with them and they weren’t ready to consider how I felt.

I’m not perfect, I didn’t date for a whole year because I knew I needed to grow and work on me when it came to women – the way I see them and the way I treated them. This just confirms work doesn’t stop, you just have to constantly and intentionally keep working on YOU just to be a better human because I guess to get the best which we all deserve we must be ready to be the best version of ourselves too.

In summary, after reading and reflecting on this part of the book, I have learnt:

  • I’m also very conscious not to awaken a girl’s emotions without me seeing real potential there, which is what happened with these 3. I know it is a thin line and can be really tricky because you are “getting to know” them.

 

  • I also learnt to always state where I stand, even though it won’t be a comfortable conversation, let people know the things you don’t like because at times people don’t even know they are a certain way, so let them know and they might be ready to work on it. I think Tolu’s Mr Cool didn’t say anything, he just went ‘missing’ which I have done before too.

 

  • Finally, there is Mr Cool but you can even become ‘Mr Cooler’ – basically, this means continuous improvement, work doesn’t stop!